the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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