I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
where are you?
Hypothermia
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
