So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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