He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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