And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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