Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
