The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
