I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
