Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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