I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
