He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
