perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
