Just fell off a train. Bad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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