You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
