So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
