there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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