i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
