i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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