Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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