As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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