oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
