If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
