from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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