Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
