and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
are you so shy because you have an std?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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