I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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