redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
