Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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