I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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