i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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