winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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