yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
