How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
