that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
