dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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