I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
