just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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