i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
