when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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