I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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