couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
