ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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