My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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