please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
