How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
