White coat. Heels.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
