Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
