Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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