someone get that fucking seahorse.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
