So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
