you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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