every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
