i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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