My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
