i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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