Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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