Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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