dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
