im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
