Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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