i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
