I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize