Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
