So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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