hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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