super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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