He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize