he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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