The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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