Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
