i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
