at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
