I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
