if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
