I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
