I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
