the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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